Two truths can coexist,

On pain, loss, grief, heartbreak.

May 13, 2026

This isn’t my supposed return post. I started drafting a letter that I’ve barely made progress on because of how busy my days are. But I have one hour or I’ve decided to put everything on pause and take one hour to write this letter because wow. There is so much grief and loss and pain and sorrow around. Like there is too much of it. Lord have mercy.

So much happened in my life recently and while processing all of that, a very dear friend of mine, actually my sister, lost her mom.

Then my mom lost her elder sister.

Then I remembered a 10 year old who I had clerked who died from the cancer we all thought she was healing from.

At the same time, so many of my closest people are going through very difficult seasons. Seasons where the dots aren’t connecting. Seasons filled with deep pain.

And the news/ social media doesn’t make it better. I honestly feel like we have access to too much information and it’s both a good and bad thing. Every other day in Nigeria, someone is kidnapped or there’s news of killings or terrorists attack or rape. And these are even the cases we know of because there are thousands we know nothing about. When it comes to Nigeria, I feel like many of us have become desensitized which I believe is even more terrible than what is actually happening. We see many, “please help us find xx who went missing on their way back from work” and “please donate for xx so the kidnappers can release them” and it’s become just one of those things. May God have mercy.

To be very honest, I think about death often. I know that life will come to an end. I know that my life will come to an end. And I pray everyday that I’ll be in a state of grace when I’m called home.

But I don’t feel as comfortable thinking about the death of those I love. The Stations of the Cross booklet we use says this in the thirteenth station( Jesus is taken down from the Cross):

CHRIST SPEAKS:
The sacrifice is done. Yes, my Mass is complete. But not my mother’s and not yours I nose you love will part from you and grief will come to you. You too will die one day - a day you do not know. Are you prepared for it?
MAN RESPONDS
Lord, help me accept the partings that must come from friends who go away, and most of all, my dear ones When you shall call them to eternal life. Help me to get ready so that the D- Day whenever, it comes “will not be a shock to me.

I must confess that I am hardly ever able to say these words out loud. Because I love my people so much. How can I accept the partings that must come? How can they maybe leave me behind someday? How will I get through that? How can that day not be a shock to me? And the thing about life is that, the more difficult things don’t come to us when we’re prepared. Can you ever be prepared for loss, for death, for grief? Even for grief of unrealized dreams and hopes. How do you prepare for that?

In the span of days where I received so much bad news, I thought a lot about Job and in thinking about him, the last verse of Psalm 92 came to mind:

“proclaiming, “The Lord is upright; he is my Rock, and there is no wickedness in him.”
‭‭-Psalms‬ ‭92‬:‭15‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Now, Psalm 92 is a psalm of thanksgiving and a prayer or declaration for those who are righteous. And it ends by saying there is no wickedness in God. And truly, I believe it. We do not serve a wicked God.

Many times though, it seems like the ‘bad’ things only happen to ‘good’ people. It can seem like life is dealing blow after blow and you’re suffocating with pain. And when these things happen, we often say this person didn’t deserve this or that we don’t deserve it or I don’t deserve this. But I am ever learning that deserving is never the issue with God. We do not deserve any of the good things He blesses us with. I hope by now you know that the blessings you enjoy are not because of something you did. God is merciful. We are His kids. He loves His kids.

And just like the good things happen without us deserving them, bad things also happen. Why do bad things happen? I have no explanation. Just look at Job. Take a look at Job who was the most righteous man in his time. And he lost every single thing.

“Then the Lord said to Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil.” “Have you not put a hedge around him and his household and everything he has? You have blessed the work of his hands, so that his flocks and herds are spread throughout the land. But now stretch out your hand and strike everything he has, and he will surely curse you to your face.” The Lord said to Satan, “Very well, then, everything he has is in your power, but on the man himself do not lay a finger.” Then Satan went out from the presence of the Lord.”
-Job 1:8, 10-12 NIV

Just like it says in the verses above, God asked the evil one to take a look at His servant Job. He actually said take a look at my righteous servant Job. Why did He do that? I don’t know. I don’t think anyone knows for God’s ways are not our ways. But even when God said the devil could go ahead and take all except His life, Psalm 92:15 rings true, there is no wickedness in Him whom we worship.

The ability to reconcile those two things: loss/grief/pain/heartbreak and the fact that there is no wickedness in our Lord is something that only He can help us do. And I pray that He helps us to do just that. Because these two truths can co-exist.

If this is a season where there are more dark clouds than there is sunlight, allow yourself to be held. Allow yourself to be held by God. Even here, you remain loved by God. Even here, you are seen by the one person whose gaze matters, whose gaze heals and redeems. Even here, you are not separated from the love of God.

“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
-Romans 8:35,37-39

And for those who have gone ahead of us whose transition has left an absence that will never be filled, we pray them eternal rest. We pray for the grace to remember that death has lost its sting. We pray for the grace to remember that death has been swallowed up in Christ’s victory.

“When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory.” “Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?” But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.”
-1 Corinthians 15:54-55 NIV

We pray for God’s help to get through the days and moments where it feels like there’s no air because of the shock that someone we loved with everything is no longer here for us to hug and laugh with. We pray for God’s help to heal from the wounds that unrealized hopes and dreams leave on our hearts.

And I know that time doesn’t heal all wounds but it dulls their pain, I think. I hope that even though you miss them, the life they lived and all the moments you enjoyed with them will bring a smile to your face and I hope you’ll allow yourself to smile. I hope that you’ll allow yourself to live and thrive as a tribute to their memory. And in all this, remember to thank God for the faith we share because this faith gives us comfort that one day, we’ll meet again. And in that place where we’ll meet, there’ll be no more tears.

“He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”
‭‭-Revelation‬ ‭21‬:‭4‬-‭5‬ ‭NIV‬‬

There remains no wickedness in our Lord. Unite your pain and suffering to what he experienced in His passion. Remember that He is your empathizer, the high priest who understands our every suffering.

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”
-Hebrews 4:15-16 NIV

A prayer:

My dear Lord, thank you for being God. Thank you because even if the night is so dark now, you have overcome the darkness. This is such a difficult season Abba, it feels like this pain is here to stay. My heart is weary. I feel crushed but even here I remember your word which says that you are close to the broken hearted and you save those who are crushed in spirit. That’s me, crushed but I know that because you sit on the throne, it will get better. I will get better. I unite this cross, this pain, this suffering with that which you experienced during your passion. I don’t know how but I will strive to believe that even this will be worked out for my good because that’s what Your Word says and I can hold you to Your Word. My trust is in You Abba, please show me your mercy and heal me. O Holy Spirit, greatest comforter, I pray for an added portion of your presence. Thank You Lord for your mercies that are new every morning. Jesus, I trust in You. Amen.

Ken iti Na

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